No, you do not have to donate at all.  ACA is a non-profit organization so donations cover expenses such as rent.

This Wikipedia article says it best:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adult_Children_of_Alcoholics

A 12 step program is a set of spiritual principles outlining a course of action for tackling problems including alcoholism, drug addition and compulsions.

ACA believes in the concept of attraction rather than promotion.  Attraction means that we share how the program works for us and how it can work for others.  We attract when we convey that ACA is friendly and inviting to all.  Attraction is drawing others to us by reflecting positive qualities.  On the other hand, promotion is selling the program to others.  That we don’t do.  ACA does  not believe in advertising.  That’s why most people don’t know about it. One hears about ACA by way of mouth or from their doctor or therapist.  Some people stumble upon ACA while researching their emotional symptoms on the internet.  ACA is a world-wide 12-Step organization; it is quite small.  Most people know each other or know of each other.  It pays to be respectful of everyone.

No. You do not have to pay a dime to come to meetings.  We do ask for a donation though; but don’t feel obligated to contribute any money to us.  We do not have membership dues or meeting costs that you have to contribute to.

There are several meetings in the Richmond VA area.  Use the page FIND A MEETING to locate one.

Yes - generally there will be a contact name and number for the specific meeting your are interested in when you use find a meeting.

Most meetings have between five and twenty-five people, and last one hour or one-and-a-half hours.  Someone may welcome you to the group.  Most meetings follow a format; the leader will read from it and ask volunteers to read different items.  The Sample Meeting Format Document is an example of an ACA meeting.

No.  You do not have to speak at all at a meeting.  Some members have been part of an ACA Meeting Group and have not spoken in over a year!  They just weren’t ready.  However, part of the ACA 12-Step Process is sharing your challenges, strengths and hopes.  Everyone learns from each other.

By having a structured environment we are striving to internalize the spiritual message.  We believe that our Adult Child thinking has led us to simply survive life.  By repeating healthy statements we are retraining our minds to think in a more healthy manner, which is part of the process of learning to act in a manner that supports our self care.

Religion can be defined as “belief in God or Gods to be worshiped, usually expressed in conduct and ritual” or “any specific system of belief, worship, etc.”  Spirituality is something that is found deep inside oneself.  It is your way of loving, accepting and relating to the world and people around you.

No, to be a part of ACA you do not have to believe in God.  However, you do need to believe in a Higher Power (HP).  A Higher Power can be anything at all that the member believes is adequate.  Some examples are: Nature, the Cosmic Consciousness, Existential Freedom,Kermit the Frog, Science, Buddha, etc.

Meetings can be held anywhere, but frequently they take place in public buildings such as churches or schools – accessible locations that usually have plenty of parking.

There is some controversy regarding the recovery rate within 12-Step groups.  Some experts say that it doesn’t work at all while others say it does work.  One of the current theories is that by sharing one’s truth, strength and hope to others, one is rewiring their mind to start thinking more clearly and healtfully.  But, it’s really up to you if you think it is worth your time and energy.  There have been millions of people who have benefited from 12-Step programs. They have happier and fuller lives because of it.

Some changes will be subtle while others will be more profound.  You will start to think more positively and see how and why you act as you currently do.  The program is designed to make you more aware of your life.  When you become more aware you start changing how you interact with the world and the people around you.  We recommend you journal your feelings and experiences so you can record your progress.

In ACA and other 12-Step Programs people will progress at their own pace.  Some people will start feeling the effects of the changes within weeks, while others may take months, or even a year or two.  Some changes will be subtle while others may be a thunderclap to your psyche. We recommend that you journal your experiences so you can see where you started and where you are now in the program.

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) is for people who realize that their lives are not working for them.  Some are in deadend jobs or deadend relationships, and they feel lost and broken. They are able to get through life, but it never seems to get better for them. Alcoholics Anonymous is for people who have trouble with alcohol and their lives have been devastated by it.

In most ACA meetings there are multiple service positions such as secretary, treasurer, phone list coordinator, literature coordinator, etc.  The positions may last from 6 months to a year. Additionally, there is often a rotating meeting chair, the person who leads the meeting. Meeting chairs may lead the meeting for a single meeting or a month depending on the group.  After being at a meeting for a while you will be made aware of other ways of being of service to ACA Intergroup and the ACA World Service Organization (WSO).

Not all groups have the same positions. This list contains typical positions that may beavailable in an ACA group.

Secretary:

1. Sets up the meeting room as needed for the meeting
2. Secures and maintains the meeting room according to group conscience and facility guidelines
3. Runs any regularly-scheduled business meetings
4. Acts as group’s liaison to the meeting facility
5. Passes on information to the new secretary at the end of their term

Treasurer:

1. Collects and records 7th Tradition donations
2. Pays meeting expenses (i.e., rent)
3. Reimburses members who present receipts for refreshments, literature, chips, etc.
4. Keeps a prudent reserve (usually two months’ meeting expenses)
5. Sends 60% of remaining funds to ACA Intergroup and 40% to the ACA World Service Organization (WSO)
6. Offers and monthly financial statement to the group

Intergroup Representative:

1. Serves as the link between the ACA group and ACA as a whole
2. Attends the monthly ACA Intergroup meeting either in person or by conference call
3. Carries the group conscience to the local ACA Intergroup and then reports to the group on the outcomes
4. Notifies the group of any local or ACA updates, announcements and flyers

Phone List Coordinator

1. Makes sure that the phone/contact list is up to date
2. Makes sure that meeting members are aware of this list for outreach calls
3. Passes on information to the new Phone List Coordinator at the end of their term

Chip Coordinator

Literature Coordinator

1. Puts ACA-endorsed literature out at the meeting
2. Keeps track of group literature supplies and orders more as needed
3. Obtains funds from the group Treasurer to restock literature
4. Passes on information to the new Literature Coordinator at the end of their term

Newcomer Greeter

1. Greets any newcomers to the meeting
2. Shows the newcomer where to go
3. Answers questions from the newcomers
4. Passes on information to the new Newcomer Greeter at the end of their term

There are many different types of  meetings.  We recommend that you check out several before you settle into one specific meeting.  Some meetings are co-ed while others are male or female only.  Some meetings read from the ACA Red Book while others journal together and talk about their experiences.  Some meetings have a speaker who discusses their strength and hope in our program.

In short, yes you do.  In order to get the most and best out of the program, it is highly recommended that you go to meetings on a regular basis, get a sponsor, work the steps and be of service.  The best and fastest success is to take advantage of everything the program has to offer you.  We have noticed in the past if one takes advantage of only one part of the program, people do not get better; they get stuck.  They may have lots of experience and know what to do, but haven’t moved forward with their spiritual recovery. 

Anonymity is used to protect people from public knowledge.  We practice it at all times.  We do not disclose information about another member or their shares. This is to make the environment safe for people to discuss their issues.  This allows everyone to make their own choice regarding whether or not they want to disclose information about their membership in the program to others.

That is really up to you.  Do you identify with the Laundry List?  Do you understand and/or identify with the shares made by others in a meeting?  Does your gut tell you that, Holy cow!  This is me?  If so, then you are where you belong.

No.  The meetings are for adults only.  At our meetings adult subjects are discussed and strong emotions are expressed.  We feel that having a child at a meeting will be a disruptive influence and people may not be fully able to express themselves in front of a child.  We feel it’s best that you come to a meeting when you have a sitter. 

If you identify with the ACA Characteristics, but the current meeting people/ location/day/time/program type just doesn’t feel right to you, we recommend that you seek out another group in which you feel safe to share yourself with others.

“Frozen feelings” are feelings that you were not safe to feel as a child.  For example, a child may be told by their parents to “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about,” or maybe a child has to be an adult before his or her time.  These things cause damage to the heart of a child, even though the child can’t let anyone know this.  When a child has to keep a smile on his or her face to protect the heart of his or her mother, to keep her from feeling guilty for not being able to attend to her or his emotional needs, that child becomes damaged. The program of ACA is designed to help release those frozen feelings.  You may feel feelings that you’ve never felt before or revisit feelings that you forgot you had. This will make a strong impact on you and change you, but it will be for the better.

Groups have regularly-scheduled (e.g., monthly) group conscience/business meetings or one can be called for by any member of the group.  This is where you can make a motion to change the format.  The motion will be discussed and voted on.

In our meetings we don’t cross talk. We speak about our own experience and we listen without comment to what others share. We work towards taking responsibility for our own lives rather than giving advice to others. This is why cross talk is strongly discouraged during our meetings. Cross-talk guidelines help keep our meetings a safe place.

Examples of cross talk may include but aren’t limited to:

Giving unsolicited feedback
Advising
Answering
Making “you” and “we” statements
Interrogating
Debating
Criticizing
Controlling
Dominating
Minimizing another person’s feelings or experiences
Physical contact/touch
Body movements like nodding one’s head or other gestures
Verbal sounds/noises
Referring to someone present by name

While having a “home group” doesn’t afford us any special rights or privileges at the meeting, many of us find that having a particular meeting where we focus our participation and service work is helpful to our recovery.  ACA is about building and maintaining healthy relationships and those relationships can develop most easily among people we see frequently.  ACA is a community and this is most evident at the meeting level.  Because of this, many of us choose to identify a home group which we attend regularly.